This is not my post that starts “With a heavy heart, after much consideration…” but one instead to acknowledge this unique moment in the history of my beloved Anusara Yoga. I feel the urge to name it, to identify it, to for some reason etch it into the permanence of cyberspace lest some day I forget the intensity of these times we have shared together.
In sociology: the event of a previously rare phenomenon becoming rapidly and dramatically more common.
In physics: the point at which an object is displaced from a state of stable equilibrium into a new equilibrium state qualitatively dissimilar from the first.
Here we stand, in this pose we have held for an impossibly long time (10 days now). Some of us are still waiting. But now we know things will never be as they once were. With Amy’s elegant articulation of her experience and with Douglas’ thoughtful and transparent arguments I believe I now have the perspective I was longing for. I eat it, I hold what feels like poison it in my blue throat, and I wait for Ross’ announcement coming at 10 AM, less than an hour. (Present tense an homage to Maryl Baldrige’s artful account of the past three days.)
As a community, I feel we have crowned. Our heads have passed through Kali’s ring of fire and our eyes are shocked by the light beyond the cozy womb of our previous existence. We are exhausted and bloody from the whole ordeal, confused and disoriented.
I presume within the hour we will receive information shedding light on what could lie ahead, but I feel that possibility vague and distant.
One thing I do know for sure, once you are out of that belly, there’s no going back in.
I am reminded of my daughter’s birth, of yelling “Om Namah Shivaya” at the peak of the worst of it, to at least with my voice assert my belief in intrinsic goodness even as I was engulfed by the pain of being turned inside out. Let me be clear, birth was more painful than our present situation, but there are some similarities.
Here is me sending more blessings of love to my brothers and sisters now dispersed like fertile seeds in the ground of their own possibilities. I have to be honest. You feel far, far away, but I feel your love nonetheless.